I had an excellent day today. The kind of day that breaks through the fog of numbness that characterises my days with depression. The kind of day that reminds me of what my life was like before my struggles with mental illness. The kind of day that makes me not only feel alive again, but makes me want to live.
I think it says something about me that today was spectacularly wonderful despite the fact that I didn’t spend time with my friends, it was Chinese New Year and I wasn’t spending time with relatives and I wasn’t going out doing something new and exciting. In many ways, by most people’s standards, my day was exceedingly ordinary.
I had tea with a teacher from my school and one of her friends today. On the way back, we talked about stuff. My problems, mostly, and how she thought that I had really similar struggles to another teacher at the school. And at some point in the discussion, she happened to mention her own struggles. It meant the world to me. From time to time, my friends mention that they feel guilty for burdening me with their problems, but it’s never felt like that. I feel good when people share their problems with me. I feel respected, valued, trusted. For a teacher at my school to share something like that…I know a lot of people might feel it’s inappropriate, but to me it meant that the teacher saw me as a person, and not just as a student. In a world where I often find myself wondering if anyone truly sees me, that’s something that’s really important.
In the end, it all comes down to that. After months of trying to fill the emptiness in my life. Of trying to break through the numbness that surrounds my emotions. After years of struggling with depression, the one thing that makes it better for a day isn’t something exciting or special. It is something that is extraordinary in its ordinariness. Some days, it’s good to have a reminder that the little things in life actually matter the most.