The following email exchange happened a while back. I realise that I probably overreacted, but what he said still does bother me because a lot of guys do somehow think that an appropriate or relevant response to a girl expressing her low-self esteem is to assure her that they still find her attractive… I’m just going to leave this here without expressing any further opinion on it. You are free to come up with your own conclusions on this.
Me: “My initial response to “I can be beautiful at my healthy weight” was “wtf, no, you need to have a BMI of less than 17 and have visible hip-bones and a thigh gap to be beautiful”.”
Him: You are beautiful now and I absolutely believe you can be beautiful at your healthy weight. And maybe I would fall in love with you then… You know my enthusiasm for girls at/a little heavier than their healthy weight.
Me: I don’t even really care whether [my love interest] finds me beautiful at my healthy weight, and if his opinion on this doesn’t matter…I’m sorry, but yours doesn’t really either. The thing about my issues with weight is that it’s not even about weight. To me, skinny=self-control=beautiful. That’s why I do it. It’s not even about society or media or anything else saying skinny=beautiful, and it’s certainly not the opinions of men! And if you fall in love with me for my body, you need to stop. Love is not lust, and if you think they’re equivalent, you need to seriously re-evaluate how you see women. Also, the world does not revolve around men. Women’s self-esteem does not revolve around men. Women’s desire to be thin is largely based on the fact that this is what other women judge them on, not based around what men judge them for. If men’s opinions were at all important in this discussion, the standards for beauty wouldn’t be as thin as they are. A very large number of men prefer curvy women because they’re biologically programmed to do so, curvy women are more fertile, favouring them favours the passing on of any particular man’s genetic material.
Him: Why is it that you this sensitive over topics that have to do with how men and women interact with each other (I’m not sure that one was brought up here)? I do notice that whenever I say something that has to do with women (I don’t know what exactly about women is it anymore) you do start telling me about how evil and unworthy men are. Do you hate men? And do you believe women are superior to men or something like that?